The night is darkest just before the dawn Poor Michael Bay. The director of such blockbusters as Armageddon, Pearl Harbor, and Transformers apparently wrote a script for The Dark Knight that Warner Bros. rejected. There, there, Michael. It’s really for the best. Maybe you should stick to movies with less plot than The Dark Knight.
Read the rejected script here.
Well-dressed man on cell phone “That message made me so happy. It’s the best I’ve ever gotten. I’m saving it forever. Yeah, the message that they’re not coming with us on vacation.”
Girl on cell phone “I always think it’s a good idea to date two guys at once with the same name so there are no possible accidents in bed.”
Girl to her friend “At least I’m still attracted to him after seeing him in Spandex.”
This statue at Spiderhouse is a douchebag Over at the Austin LiveJournal community, user stupidis, a new Austinite, has posted a question that might tell us more about the landscape of our beloved city than any poll has before or ever will again. stupidis writes:
Dear austincommunity,
Girl #1 “You have really nice boobs.”
Girl #2 “Thanks! I think you have really nice boobs, too.”
Girl #1 “This would be a weird conversation for someone to overhear.”
Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, and Republican US Senator John Cornyn Big John is taking a page out of Bush’s book for his re-election campaign – he’s channeling the Texas Cowboy. Cornyn’s latest campaign ad features a slideshow of Cornyn in cowboy garb set to music that sounds like the guy that writes Hallmark cards, Johnny Cash, and tribal Africa got high and decided to write a song about politics. According to Cornyn’s spokespeople, the ad was intended as a “light-hearted, humorous piece” just for the Texas State Convention, but of course they knew that something that ridiculous would get out. The video went viral and even Jon Stewart made fun of it.
Harry Potter fans the world over are trying not to die today over the publication of J.K. Rowling’s short story about an exploit of James Potter and Sirius Black’s for Waterstone’s Booksellers’s “What’s Your Story?” event. For this event, Waterstone’s asked 13 world-class authors, including Rowling, Neil Gaiman, Nick Hornby, Doris Lessig, and Tom Stoppard, to submit stories written on a piece of A5 paper (which measures 5.83 x 8.27 inches). Sotheby’s then auctioned off each of the 13 stories yesterday.
Chuck Palahniuk has made a career of twisted yet smart and relatable novels, the most famous of which, Fight Club, became an instant cult classic upon the release of the movie version in 1999. His latest of nine novels, Snuff, is about an aging porn star named Cassie Wright who wants to end her career by having sex on film with 600 men in one day. Palahniuk will be doing a reading and signing at the UT Performing Arts Center’s McCullough Theater tonight at 7. Get tickets here.
Don’t miss The Daily Texan’s fantastic interview with Palahniuk.
I could watch this amazing remix (originally found at YTMND) of the music from Kirby’s Dreamland and Snoop Dogg’s “Drop It Like It’s Hot” all day. It gets ca-RAZY at about the 3:14 mark.
I can haz? I saw the Sex and the City movie this weekend (it was pure estrogen ecstasy), but in case you haven’t yet and you want to refresh your memory on how the series ends, the Belmont is doing a special Sex and the City marathon for today’s Monday Margaritas and Movies. Instead of a movie, they’ll be playing the final eight episodes of Sex and the City and handing out free popcorn and door prizes from Fetish, Rae Cosmetics, and more. Margaritas and the Fab Four – sounds like the perfect way to spend a Monday evening.
5pm–9pm | FREE
Ten points if you can name that song If you’re sick of singing “Wannabe” alone in front of the mirror with a hairbrush microphone, if you want to share your beautiful voice with the world but don’t want to audition for American Idol, or if you just plain want to get drunk and belt out Mariah Carey at the top of your lungs, sign up for the summer session of the National Karaoke League.
Tonight at their weekly show Proctor, ColdTowne welcomes special guests Debra Downing-Grosz, Rebecca Sohn, and Jean Villepique, collectively know as Switchboard. These talented Second City alumni have appeared at the iO Theater, the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater, and the Annoyance Theater. They’ve also appeared on The Office, Curb Your Enthusiasm, and 30 Rock (talk about comedy cred!).
Switchboard will also be at ColdTowne tomorrow night at 10pm.
8pm | $7-10
ColdTowne Theater
4803-B Airport Blvd. (next to I Luv Video) • Austin, TX 78751
Beer selection at Ginger Man Houston Every time I have gone into the Ginger Man recently, it has been with a twinge of sadness because, as many of us had heard, The Ginger Man was closing. But my heart is happy again today because according to the Ginger Man website, the rumors are untrue. So many people believed the rumors (myself included) that the Ginger Man finally posted on its website:
A while back, we posted about the surprising results of the Austin educator background check conducted under the new background check initiative. The initiative, passed under Texas Senate Bill 9, requires all Texas public school districts and private schools, under the thumb of the Texas Department of Public Safety, to conduct criminal history checks on all certified employees. AISD, the first public school district to begin conducting background checks under the new law, has now completed the task and found that out of its 7,243 employees, 637 have criminal records, with 36 of those being felony charges.
I guess I’m not surprised. If it’s now acceptable to wear a my-daddy’s-guarding-my-virginity ring, why not a ring to celebrate getting divorced?
Several jewelry stores have begun carrying divorce rings, and some companies, like Divorced Jewelry Company, sell them exclusively. Harold Thompson, founder of Divorced Jewelry Co., also designed (and patented!) its divorce ring. The original design is a thick gold band with three white gold sections on one side – one band each for the year you met your spouse, the year you married your spouse, and the year you divorced your spouse. You can get the ring in several other combinations of metals.
The 2008 Funniest Person in Austin contest continues tonight with another 16 comics strutting their comedic stuff. Tonight’s host is FPIA 1999 winner Mario DiGiorgio, and That Other Paper’s Ramin Nazer, author of the comic strip Strippy, will be among those competing for your lols tonight.
The shores of Lady Bird Lake have been saved from the evil developers!
I don’t know who this woman is, but according to her, we Austinites are living in quite a bad city. According to her, we’re all jobless, Godless hippies who “stink with all that former hippie stuff and ‘Oh, we’re real open to everybody.’” And that makes us a “stinking hellhole of sin.” And intellectualism.
Now the enterprising souls over at Secret Oktober created bumper stickers to celebrate the madness. A “Keep Austin A Stinking Hellhole of Sin” bumper sticker only runs you $3 and the constant worry of hoping everyone understands you’re joking. Buy yours here.
We have it from a reliable source that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are in the Harry Ransom Center at UT. We didn’t hear why. Anyone know?
UPDATE: We sent this post to Perez Hilton, praying to any god we could think of that he would post it and ask us to be best friends, and he emailed us back, said thanks, and POSTED IT!
We can die happy now. But we’re still waiting on an answer about being best friends.
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