Hansel McRobertsworth

You’re probably not. Sorry.

But in case you want to try for the title (and be rejected), here’s the info:

photo / Kristin Hillery Oh, hey, it’s those guys 

It’s back! Austin Film Festival, Cap City Comedy Club and The Onion are proud to announce The Third Annual Funniest Filmmaker in Austin contest! Enter by August 11th, 2008 and on Monday August 18th, join host and former Funniest Person in Austin winner Matt Bearden to see who wins the contest.

Hit us with your best shot. It’s free to enter and the winner will play the Austin Film Festival this October. Not a professional? Don’t despair! Funny beats technical ability in this contest. Quick and dirty shorts are welcome!

Idaho senator Larry Craig, who was busted last year for lewd conduct in a Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport restroom, really needs to be careful about what he says. Especially when he’s talking about being jerked around by your gas nozzle.

The New Yorker’s latest cover, illustrated by The Politics of Fear artist Barry Blitt, has everyone pretty much flipping out today. Many, including both the Obama and McCain camps, say that the cover is just plain offensive and tasteless, but the New Yorker says it just “satirizes the use of scare tactics and misinformation in the presidential election to derail Barack Obama’s campaign.”

July 21, 2008, issue of the New Yorker 

What do you think?

photo / Krissi AKA Kiki HURRY 

Scientists at Texas A&M have found that citrulline, an ingredient in watermelon, can trigger production of a compound that helps relax blood vessels in the body – which is effectively what Viagra does.

Found in the flesh and rind of watermelons, citrulline reacts with the body’s enzymes when consumed and is changed into arginine, an amino acid that benefits the heart, and the circulatory and immune systems.

WALL-E Sunday matinee | Couple walking out of theater

Guy “I don’t know… it was kind of a sad movie.”

Girl “Yeah, and there was like no talking. What the hell?”

Couple obviously on first date at Alamo Drafthouse Village

Guy Hmmm. I could get a pizza and save half for lunch tomorrow.

Girl You could do that.

Guy I have this horrible fear that I would eat all of it.

 

ilovemikelitt is at it again, this time bigger and more vegan than ever – it’s the return of the Veggie Hot Dog Eating Contest!

This is the second year of the event, and it’s going down this Saturday, June 20, at Scholz Garden (1607 San Jacinto Blvd) from 1–4pm. Pay $5 to get in, and you’ll get a veggie dog and as much Nada Moo ice cream as you can eat (until it runs out).

This bad boy will be hosted by our friend Chris Trew (TOP contributor and ColdTowne member) and Deb O’Keefe (101X morning show co-host).

Wanna compete? They’re especially in need of doubles contestants. You can sign up by going to ilovemikelitt.com.

photo / rochelle, et. al. How beautiful 

Since about half of the dogs and cats at the Williamson County Animal Shelter have black coats, the shelter thought it’d be a good idea to hold a week-long promotion where any of those animals were just $25.

Mistake #1: Calling this promotion “Black is Beautiful.” Mistake #2: Holding the promotion during the week of June 14–20. June 19 is Juneteenth.

Pearls Before Swine Fest – this weekend at The Hideout 

I can’t imagine why bikers don’t like improv, or why their overwhelming presence in downtown Austin for the Republic of Texas Biker Rally – which is this weekend, if you haven’t figured it out already – scares people away keeps people from going to see shows at The Hideout Theatre. As a result, The Hideout is typically pretty empty on these weekends, which is a big downer for the performers.

Can’t they just do an improv where they pretend there actually is an audience there or something? you may be wondering. No. No they cannot.

So if you’re looking for some entertainment this Friday or Saturday night and leather, beards, and knife fights aren’t your thing, come check out Pearls Before Swine Fest at The Hideout.

The Hideout
617 Congress Ave • Austin, TX

Walls hate kicks, and they will make you pay if you dare use your foot to try to destroy them. So, be warned. Here’s what happened to one little jerk:

via Boing Boing

Last week seven-year-old Latarian Milton stole his grandma’s Dodge Durango and drove around Florida with another little kid until he eventually totaled the SUV. Why’d he do it, you ask? He wanted to do hoodrat stuff with his friend.

Easter Sunday at Wal-Mart

Woman in line, to her daughter “What is that?”

Daughter “It’s a cake. You told me to pick out a cake.”

Woman in line “A COOKIE CAKE IS NOT A CAKE.”

photo / Stuck in Customs (all rights reserved) Austin and Columbus are also similar because they both have buildings 

There we go inspiring other cities again.

Columbus, Ohio, publication alive! has a story comparing their city to Austin. While Austin has branded itself as the Live Music Capital of the World, Columbus wants to be known as the Indie Art Capital of the World. The reporter draws several other similarities between the cities, calling them “too great to ignore”: we both love our college teams, we both have water running through downtown, we both have condos downtown – the examples given could be made with a lot of other cities, really (we both have grass, we both have streets, we both have people who breathe…). All kidding aside, it’s flattering to see once again this week that others are looking at Austin for inspiration on how to improve their cities.

Austin, give yourself a pat on the back. We’ve inspired the city of Fairbanks, Alaska to be cooler and prettier:

Fairbanks is looking at Austin, Texas, for inspiration on how to give Alaska’s second largest city an updated look. Austin is requiring new stores to follow higher-quality architectural features than were allowed a few years ago. City officials say the hope is that a better-designed downtown will rub off positively on those who live, visit or work there. At the same time that will draw national retailers, who might normally have built outside of town. A subcommittee looking to revitalize Fairbanks’ downtown are looking at Austin’s design guidelines as a potential model.

• Read the story at the Fort Mill Times

photo / striatic  

Sure, there are a ton of funny, ridiculous posts on Craigslist no matter what city you’re browsing. But an often overlooked section is Best of Craigslist, where the weirdest, most hilarious posts wind up after they receive enough votes. Here are a couple of the most recent Best Of posts made by Austinites:

I can’t believe I ate ants for you - w4m

When you had a small group over for bbq at your place I pretended I didn’t notice the tortilla chips had ants all over them and ate them anyway. I didn’t want to cause a scene in front of your friends and make them question the sanitary quality of the food they were about to eat. Now that I have gotten absolutely nowhere with you I deeply regret this decision.

(Read the post here)

With the Texas primary election coming up this Tuesday, you can bet that there are close to 70 billion political get-togethers going on in Austin this weekend. Here’s one we just heard about, geared towards LGBT Hillary supporters:

Join us for a “Texas LGBT for Hillary” happy hour at Rain to show our support for Hillary, meet other Hillary supporters, learn about what we can do to help between now and the primary/caucus, and toast our favorite candidate. Speakers to be announced. At 7:30pm, we’ll start bar hopping to bring the Hillary show on the road so wear your Hillary t-shirts, stickers, and buttons. Simon Woods, Caesar Octavian from HBO series Rome and the face of Yves Saint Laurent menswear for Fall 2008 will be there showing his support for Hillary. Help show Austin that the LGBT community is behind Hillary!

5:30–7:30pm | FREE

Rain
217 W 4th St • Austin, TX

via Austin Community

photo / Sir Mildred Pierce 

Score some superlative treasures

Kegerator for sale! 

Since the Alamo Drafthouse Downtown is moving to the Ritz, they’re looking to get rid of a few things from the current location’s kitchen. While it’s all commercial-grade kitchen equipment, you never can have too many walk-in coolers with remote condensers in your efficiency apartment, right?

The 10th Annual Buda Wiener Dog Races happened this weekend at Buda City Park. I didn’t go, and I really don’t know what else to tell you about this other than these dogs make me feel slightly uncomfortable. So here’s a video someone put on YouTube of their dog Sushi, who competed in one of the races this weekend.