Chris Trew

photo / Bethany L King Come on, ladies. We’re heading to Oklahoma City to crack some heads. 

The NBA’s Supersonics are heading out of Seattle and into Oklahoma City (boooo). Since the team owners are sweet enough guys to leave the name “Supersonics” behind, Oklahoma City gets to have a naming contest for their team (yay!). The four finalists were recently revealed by ESPN and they are (drum roll, please): Barons, Thunder, Thunderbirds, and Outlaws.

Austin, I know, I thought the same exact thing. We’re the Outlaws. Sure, there are two Giants (San Francisco and New York), two Kings (Los Angeles and Sacramento), two Panthers (Carolina and Florida), as well as two Rangers (Texas and New York). But of those teams, only the Kings are anywhere near each other on a map (384 miles between LA and Sacramento) and we’re not going to count them because they’re in the same state. That officially makes the Outlaws the worst possible choice for Oklahoma City, as a mere 388 miles separate OKC and ATX.

Are you ready for the mind games to get even deeper? Hold on to something squishy with one hand and keep scrolling down with the other.

shutterCat7 Not an Ice Bat, but a bat. 

Last week the Austin Ice Bats told me via email that they will no longer be playing at Chaparral Ice and that they’re “currently looking for an acceptable location in the Austin area” for next season. Not bad, I thought. Chaparral Ice was a nice venue, but the relationship between building and sports franchise never really caught on. I get the feeling nobody ever drove by and thought to themselves, “that’s my home for hockey.”

The real bad news was dropped in the next paragraph. The organization “will investigate relocating the team outside of this area if needed.”

Let’s face it, America: I eat a lot of breakfast tacos. I eat them almost every day, because if I don’t I’m afraid something terrible might happen to me. After all, nothing terrible has happened to me since I started eating them, right? Right.

His name is David and it’s worth your time to get over here right now.

He’s so far used every offensive word not in the dictionary and threatened to beat up any cop that tries to take him away. He also has a Walkman and crazy red suitcase (with wheels)!

See you at the patio!

photo / Faster Panda Kill Kill 

As far as your calendar is concerned, summer is officially over. Step outside, however, and your body is telling you otherwise. It wants to eat snow-balls, it wants to not-study, and it wants to go to Disney World with your fam-ily. You can’t afford to do any of those things, we know, but if you have $3, you can make some room in your day to head back to Barton Springs where the diving board has been re-installed!

Local rapper and That Other Paper writer Chris Trew is Terp 2 it, and this is the first video from his album The Freshest Dude. Terp plays at Emo’s this Friday with Pleaseeasaur.

photo / tomeppy 

Here’s a way to instantly make yourself more interesting: order some treats from Mary Louise Butters Brownies and share them with all of your friends/enemies.

Ringers

Woman in tiny tube top and terrible lipstick, stumbling with Long Island iced tea “Do you know someone who needs a nanny?”

Friendly service makes Royal Blue Grocery stand out downtown.

photo / pboyd04 

Most athletes use an alias when checking into a hotel while on the road, regardless of their star status. Houston Astros pitcher Wandy Rodriguez, however, didn’t while the ’Stros were in Chicago battling the Cubs last weekend, and it resulted in an early morning crank phone call.

On the #1L

Woman behind me “I know we got home late but I didn’t know she was a dyke.”

Overheard by Chris Trew

photo / Alex Indigo 

Who let the dog out (of his commitment tonight)?!!

What, did DMX eat some bad dog food (from that pet food recall a month ago)?!!

Looks like another dog’s day afternoon, huh? I guess I’ll sit next to this windowsill and stare out the window all night (because the concert I’ve been planning on attending got canceled last minute)?!!

photo / ColdTowne Theater Look Cookie, the first troupe formed from the ColdTowne Conservatory, debuts last April. 

See how happy everyone looks up there? Everyone in the picture above is either making shit up on the spot and having a blast doing so or sitting in a crowd watching people make shit up on the spot and having a blast doing so.

photo / timsamoff 

Emo’s just announced that indie/emo/pop/rock/omg legends Jimmy Eat World will play a special club show on July 30. Hold on to your credit cards though, kiddies — tickets don’t go on sale until June 16th.

photo / Klobetime 

Looking at the win-loss column, it’s been a long season for the Austin Wranglers. Luckily for you, sports fan, arena football remains mostly exciting no matter how lopsided the score is. So don’t let the weak 4-9 last place record keep you from treating a few of your friends to the last arena football game Austin will see until 2008.

photo / Dalton Publishing 

Yeah, the book was released about a month ago and the book-signing party hoopla is all finished, but some of us have other things to do besides sitting around reading books all day. So forgive me for getting to Owen’s collection of short stories a little later than most. Surely I’m not the only one, though, and that’s what I’m here to share with you, loyal reader.

The last time Melissa Cathcart and Jay Olson performed improv comedy in Austin, things were quite different. The Chicago-based comedy duo is returning to Austin to perform a homecoming show Saturday, June 2, at the ColdTowne Theater.