The following submission received grand prize in our Stories of Woe Valentine’s Day Giveaway. Jules received a dinner for two at Romeo’s Italian Grill and Bar and tickets to a special Valentine’s Day presentation of Romeo and Juliet courtesy of Mother of Invention Productions.
Con man
When I was in college in Georgia, I was living next door to a bunch of folks who were Con people. Comic cons, Trek Cons, you name it. We were good friends and while I didn’t get into as passionately as they did, I liked the Trek and stuff. One of them had a boyfriend doing jousting at the Ren Faire and so off we went. I was pretty unfamiliar with the whole Ren Faire schema at that point.
It was fun, I thought, silly and full of actors Prithee-ing and bowing and meat on a stick and kids buying jester hats. So, about half way through the day I meet this guy who is really cute and he’s MiLadying me and all that, which to a 19-year-old from a small town had its charms, but I figure he’s an actor like my UGA classmates and I think it would be nice to talk with him out of character.
We made plans for him to come and visit. Disaster, when this guy arrives still in his Faire character. He shows up in puffy pirate pants and a bright blue silk shirt and proceeds to MiLady me all over our date. Loads of attempted arm kissing and hefting me up over shoulders without consent.
I did not get it, was not into it, and I got irritated. I tried, but the whole date went this way, and finally when I was doing everything to get out the car and into my house, he proceeded to make excuses about not wanting to drive all the way back to Atlanta and shouldn’t he stay the night MiLady and I was like, God no, Hie Thy Ass Home!
He wound up sleeping on the couch of one of my Con friends. I’m sure he was pissed off, but so was I. I was hoping for 20th-century conversation, and he assumed I wanted a Knight. I’m alive and I assume he is, so there you have it. My worst date.
More stories of woe
- First runner-up: High-five for love
- Second runner-up: Swingin’ surgeon
- Third runner-up: Breakup breakdown Honorable mention: Blind date –>
preview photo / Snickerpuss
Comments
I want someone to MiLady me!
Just kidding. I really don’t. Well, kind of.