Hipster forecast for the week of May 12

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HPSTR 4CST

photo / Pierre LaScott
illustration / Adam Avramescu “Hold on. I just realized I have daddy issues.” 

• Five months removed from his Pitchfork #1 win, Panda Bear fades from everyone’s collective memory.
• Purebreed dogs are out; regular mutts are out; mutts that are half-ketamine are in.
• Local DJs make a rush on Cheapo Discs to snap up every Haddaway record available.
• 90% chance that’s not her natural hair color.
• Conrad Keely slips on a spilled Cape Cod at Beauty Bar. This becomes the new dance move.
• Ladies and gentlemen, set your iPods to random.
• Someone at the Peacock will argue, “The only films that are really obscure are the ones that don’t exist.”
• Jeans tightness index: 21 microns per 1% body fat.

Remembz, yallz, a hipster is a friend indied.