Dear Jimmy Suede,
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! You are the man! I saw you on Sixth Street last week with FIVE ladies! Please tell me you executed the fabled SEXtuplet that night!
But on a more serious note, I have Emkinson’s Syndrome. When I get nervous, instead of saying the word I have chosen to use in conversation, I say its nearest Hungarian equivalent. More than 30 people in the US are afflicted with Emkinson’s – we even have a Wikipedia entry.
Last night was the final straw. I was on a date with a smoking hot babe, and I had pulled out all the stops. I took her to an über-expensive restaurant on Fourth Street, I wore my nicest duds, and I paid the waiter to rig my chair to break and claim that the weight of my massive penis was to blame. Everything was going great until I told her that her eyes looked gyönyörű. Ashamed, I hopped off the titanium-reinforced throne the waiter had brought me to accommodate my unwieldly genitalia and fled the restaurant.
My question is this: How can I stop psyching myself out so much when I’m on dates? You discuss methods of maintaining psychological dominance on dates in your level 28 eBook, Playing Sexual Chicken: Affirmations of Masculinity with Jimmy Suede, but I still can’t calm myself down when I’m with a woman. Jimmy, HELP!
Anderson from North Austin
BOOM, Anderson!
To answer your first question: No, I unfortunately did not have sex with all five of those women that night – one of them ended up being extremely unattractive. The race to a SEXtuplet continues.
I’m sorry to hear that you have Emkinson’s Syndrome. I, too, know the anguish that Emkinson’s can inflict: My grandfather suffered from it. On his death bed, as the candle of life slowly burned to the bare wick and the fight to persist fled from his eyes, he took my hand and made me promise to find the map buried under his basement and trace it to the true location of the Holy Grálról.
I never did quite figure out what he was talking about. I think he was delirious from the morphine.
Anyway, I understand your pain. But you said it yourself, Anderson – Emkinson’s is only an issue when you’re nervous. You have to reframe the dynamics of the date in your mind. Why should you be nervous? You’re the prize. You’re compromising your standards in even having dinner with this person. In fact, you’re not convinced that your date is a fully-evolved human. You thought you were having dinner with Orrorin tugenensis until she got up to use the bathroom and walked on both legs.
The point, Anderson, is that you have to stop thinking that women are doing you favors by going out with you. The way I accomplished this when I was first getting into the game was to pretend that a date was nothing more than a job interview. In a broad sense, a date really is a job interview. You’re evaluating whether you and a woman are a good fit for each other. The boss-employee dynamic may not hold true, but the idea that you’re not trying to impress your date so much as gauge your compatability is assuring.
But a high-level comparison didn’t calm my nerves, so I started actually conducting dates as job interviews. Require your date to bring three copies of her resume with her to the restaurant. Ask her about any unusual gaps in her relationships or short-term hook-ups. Is she a man hopper? Or will she commit to a position in this relationship for the long term?
Ask her what her greatest weakness is. Is she willing to work overtime if it’s required? You want a team player in this role, not someone who just wants to punch the clock. Why did she leave her last relationship? Has she ever been terminated from a relationship? Has she ever left a relationship without giving proper notice?
If she brings up compensation on the first date, she’s immediately disqualified. You don’t want a gold digger – she should be genuinely interested in the role, not the benefits. Is she willing to take a drug test? Can she provide relationship references?
If the date went well, invite her back for a second-round interview. If not, thank her for her time and commit to getting back to her within a week. I used to mail applicants who were not selected to continue in the process a formal letter of rejection, but that’s up to you. I received some nasty phone calls about those.
Trust me, Anderson – dinner with a woman is nothing to get nervous about. You’ll be fine if you remember that a date is simply an opportunity to get to know someone. And if that doesn’t work, show up tanked. You’ll probably seem a lot more interesting.
BOOM!
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